Aunt Sharla’s Guide to “Woo”-ing your Woman…

While visiting Indiana this past week, we passed by a couple of establishments that brought back a favorite memory of mine.

As Melissa (still Liddick at this point) was working in her first long term substitute teaching job at Sweetser elementary, I was busy trying to convince her that I was a worthy boyfriend candidate. I had been asking her out for multiple months to no avail, so I decided it was time to up the anty.

I was really good friends with Melissa during our post-college years, so I asked her if she wouldn’t mind me bringing her lunch at school during her break. She said sure, not knowing the grandiose plans that I had. (insert evil laugh here)

Melissa was subbing for my Aunt Sharla who was on leave battling health issues at the time, and Sharla was in on the plan. She thought it was a pretty good idea for me to date Melissa, and wanted to help, so we brainstormed…

I arrived at school that day in my Tuxedo with a large bouquet of flowers.  (Sharla and I had even pre-planned my route once I got to the school.)  I wasn’t going to sneak in a side entrance and avoid everyone, I was going to start at the school office and make sure that everyone knew someone in a tuxedo was here for Melissa.  I began at the office and signed in, asking where Miss Liddick’s class was.  I was offered an escort to the class, but that was a little too direct of a route, so I politely declined.  My next stop was the cafeteria where half of the school was already eating lunch.  I stopped by the table full of teachers and asked if Melissa was around and possibly mentioned that I was here to have lunch with her.  Following the cafeteria, my next stop was the teachers lounge where the rest of the staff was enjoying some down time.  I enjoyed a game of 20 questions with the teachers and then proceeded to the bench right outside of the lunchroom where I was to wait for Miss Liddick’s class to arrive.

Sharla and I were convinced that I would get quite the reaction from Melissa once she finally saw me.  We had it planned really well, and we were going to cause as much chaos as possible before I left that day.  (Sharla was quite the comedian as well as being a fantastic teacher.)  Class after class arrived at the lunch room, and many students asked me who I was waiting for.  “I’m having lunch with Miss Liddick today.” was my opening line, and I was every time met with “Ooooh!” & kissy faces.  I think one of the kids even put their arms around themselves, turned his back to me and acted like he was making out with someone.  That one was awkward.

Finally the time came.  Melissa came walking down the hall with her class, and there I was with my Tux & a bouquet of flowers ready to dazzle and surprise.  I stood up and smiled, and Melissa rolled her eyes so far into the back of her head I couldn’t even see her pupils anymore.  One of the kids asked, “Miss Liddick, who is that?”  Melissa quickly replied without even a slight hesitation, “Oh, that’s just Mrs. Levensky’s nephew.  Don’t worry about him.”  Melissa and the class walked off and that was it.  No surprised reaction, passionate embrace, or steamy make out session.

Once she dropped the class off, she came back out into the hall and hit me as hard as she could and asked me what in the world I was up to and how many people saw me. (This is where I received the reaction that I wished my Aunt Sharla could have been there to see.)

Once we got to the classroom to eat, I unveiled the culinary delight of the day.

- Meyer’s Cheeseburgers

- Fries

- Shrimp Cocktail

Shrimp Cocktail with cheeseburgers?  Yeah.  I felt silly wearing a tuxedo and only bringing a cheeseburger.  I needed something to fancy up that lunch, and shrimp cocktail seemed to be just the appetizer to fit the occasion.

It turns out I did make quite the impression that day with Melissa, and those of you who know us know the rest of the story.

For me, this is just another reason why there isn’t a better cheeseburger in all of Grant County than the Meyer’s Cheeseburger.